The Invisible Load

The heaviest parts of caregiving are often the parts nobody sees. We’re talking about the invisible load that parents and teachers carry every day, especially as the end of the school year ramps up with testing, deadlines, performances, and routines that feel like they’re fraying at the edges. If you’ve been walking around with a constant mental checklist, a tight chest, and that quiet worry that you’re not doing enough, this conversation is for you. 

We share what this load looks like from both sides of the child’s world. From the classroom, it’s the pressure to finish everything, support every student, and still have something left to give. From home, it’s mornings, lunches, homework, bedtime, and the emotional labor of staying regulated when your child is struggling. We also name the added weight many families carry when raising neurodivergent children: advocacy, meetings, IEPs, and the exhaustion of feeling misunderstood. 

Then we get practical. We break down how guilt sneaks in and blocks real parent teacher partnership, even when everyone wants the same outcome. We offer simple tools to lighten the load, including building awareness of triggers, tracking small wins to create momentum, and using a quick pattern interrupt to reset your nervous system in seconds so you can respond with more calm, humor, and care. 

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a parent or teacher who needs a breath today, and leave a review so more families can find this support. What’s one “rock” you’re ready to take out of your backpack this week?

Welcome! Join us each week live here at the Support Circle - https://www.facebook.com/groups/educatorsandparents

Thank you for listening-ifyou have questions you want to ask live join us here for our Sunday LIVES - https://www.facebook.com/groups/educatorsandparents

Transcript

Welcome And Why We Gather

Andrea 1:33

Welcome. Welcome to our live today to support parents and teachers. I am Andrea French and I am an educator elevator. I work with teachers to help them develop healthy rituals so that they can connect within themselves and find their authenticity to connect with the children and um really teach with ease. And I'm coupled with uh my colleague Laurie Bloyer. She is a specialist, she specializes in working with parents that have neurodivergent children. So we created the support circle because we believe that it's if we can connect parents and teachers together and to give the best support to their children, then it's just gonna be a complete uh success. And that's our hope is to give parents and teachers ways to um to or tools to be able to get through challenges and um celebrate yourself and take care of yourself so that you can respond as your authentic self and teach your child and teach the children that too resilience. And so that's the beautiful thing about it. So last week we spoke about um really how self-care is really important for parents and for teachers. You know, if we we give so much of ourselves to child to our children every day in many different ways, and it's really important to find ways to take care of yourself so that you can replenish yours yourself so that you can keep doing that, right? And um uh also in addition to taking care of yourself, to also give yourself a lot of grace and not focus on the things that you didn't get done because you know, as a teacher and as parents, there's so many things that you think, oh, I I I could have done this and and that. And and you can, but I I think it's more important to focus on your small wins. And we talked about the liliquoy blossom and the small wins, uh, and focusing on that to build uh the momentum to keep making these changes uh all

Self Care And Small Wins

Andrea 3:52

the time that will create a life change. What do you what are we gonna talk about now, Laurie? All right.

Laurie 4:09

Well, today we're going to talk about something that's a little hard. Last week was about self-care. This week is about what we call the invisible load, the load that we're all carrying, the weight we're carrying as teachers, as parents, as um caregivers of these amazing children that are in our care. And so we're going to be yeah, looking at what the invisible load is, how to work through that load, especially the end of the school year for teachers, educators, and of course for parents and the children. So for everyone, we're carrying this load. And it can be like a bag of rocks in a backpack that you may not think about. And so that's why we're kind of calling it the invisible load. Because if if you start to take out these rocks out of your backpack, which I hope we will um we'll uncover a few of them today and start the process of lightening your load and giving you that new perspective to embrace this lovely, this lovely class you have, or these lovely children that you have. And of course, always, always going back to what we talked about last week, which is the self-care. So that's what we're gonna talk about. That's it, Debbie. I'm excited. Thank you everyone for being here. Um, if tech is working out, we should be streaming on several locations. So if you want to give a shout out, we're happy to answer any questions that you have

Defining The Invisible Load

Laurie 5:47

if we see them. Of course, we're talking a lot, but we will try to see those questions if they come in. If we don't get them this time, we can answer them next time. We'll be here every Sunday. So I think we're on a good tech streak. So yeah, are you ready to talk about invisible load?

Andrea 6:05

Yes, I um I'm I was looking down because I'm on my phone checking to see if it's uh streaming live on the support circle, and it is. And so I just typed into the support circle. Hi, parents and teachers. So I'm looking at that chat, and I'm looking at our chat here right now. So please type in if you're joining us from where you're from, and if you're a teacher or a parent, how old your uh your child is, or what grade you teach, just to connect and get to know each other. I was a special education teacher for about 20 years, and um then I went into coaching uh teachers, and I just want to say that uh the load, the load is uh big, big one. I've also been a general education teacher, different types of loads for different types of teachers, and especially I was just talking to Lori before this call this week. Uh, we're talking about how this time of the year is the most intense time of the year for teachers and probably children, students, because this is like the final countdown where you have to get everything, you have to finish all your units, do all of your testing, uh, and then do these um end of the year performances, or we have maybe here where they've been practicing at these dances, and you have to be able to do these practices, but then be able to still teach what you need to teach and and just get through it. And it's um it's a lot, and especially in these last two weeks. I'm in the last two weeks of school, so it can be a lot, but and there are a lot of things on your plate that that are invisible load, and yet somehow we still get through it. Um, but I do want to tell you as a teacher that it's okay if you didn't get everything done this year, and it's okay if you weren't able to reach every single child in your classroom the last look or whatever. You have good intentions, you're a good person, and even if you think that what you did wasn't a big deal, it was a big deal. Just you caring in your presence in the room is enough. You are enough. So that's what

End Of School Year Pressure

Speaker 8:42

I want to leave you with. What do you think, Laurie? That's um, I think those are huge statements.

Laurie 8:53

That's why I was like, oh yes, those are just like my guy, because those, yeah, yeah. We made we always well, I was a teacher for yeah, 25 something years, and I I always ended the year with I could have, I should have, I wish I had, wouldn't it have been nice to have, right? The would've, could have, should've. And I just felt like sometimes I was just disappointed. Like, I wish I, you know, had reached this one kid, or wish I had done that, you know, done a different lesson, or something had gone differently, or um reached out to parents more often, or you know, there's always the thing or the million of things that I I kind of would have, coulda, shoulda. But um, but you know, that was the past and the future will come right here, right now, at the end of the school year, and being present with the kids and present with the the life we have and the the work we're doing is I think what's really, really important, right? Just to be here and in the moment with those that we're working with is will help lighten that invisible load, right? We'll help not think about, well, what I could have should have in the past or what I might do right here, right now, and thinking I can just greet them where they are and be the best teacher to close out this year in the best way possible, or the best parent, or the best kid, even, right? If your children are listening, yeah. So that's what I would say about those end of school year. It's a big time. You're right. It's there's a lot to unpack that there. Did you want to add to that? Or are we lagging?

Andrea 10:43

Well, I guess you know, from a parent perspective, do they feel that? Uh I mean, I'm a teacher and a parent, so I feel it, but I don't, it's part of the parent or the teacher in me. Uh that feels this end of the year high volume energy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I thought you wanted me to talk about it. Yeah.

Laurie 11:02

Right. So I thought you wanted me to talk about the school first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The the teachers okay. The load the teach the parents are carrying you guys. I used to always thank the parents as a teacher. I used to always thank them and say, thank you for getting them to school as often as you did, you know, hopefully almost every day. Thank you for packing, you know, whatever, 180 lunches. Thank you for, you know, putting on clothes and doing morning routines for however many times it was. Just I want to honor them. And especially now that I focus on with neurodivergencies, right? Neuro, the the parents, what you're carrying in the morning is a lot. And that's not that that's why we're calling this the invisible look people see, or even some teachers see when you drop off the kids. They don't know the hours that it took to get your kid to school. And so I just really want to honor the thing, yes, mornings, lunches, after school, homework, bedtime, all of that weight and all of that exhaustion is what you're carrying in the those backpacks I was talking about, right? And and I'm sure Andrea and I are gonna unpack um some strategies for helping with that. But we just first just want to honor that that we know you, we see you, we see that if the struggle is real, that you know, countless parents that I talked to are just oh whether you have a neurotypical or a neurodiverse child, it's exhausting to come to the end of the year. The unfortunate news, and um, I think Andrew and I are gonna definitely talk about this coming up, is you know, in another episode, is is summer's coming. So now we're out of our routines and we have a whole nother type of struggle, and the struggle's real. And um, these recordings will be turned into podcasts, but also my podcast from last year talked about getting rid of the summer and the summer struggle. So we will be um also posting those too. But yes, I just want to start off by saying I honor you, I see you, and um and we know that that it's so challenging to carry this load that others may not see when you drop your kid off, or educators may not see. So that also comes with um the guilt that sometimes parents feel, right? The guilt that Andrew's

Parenting Weight Nobody Sees

Laurie 13:37

talking about from an educator point of view, but am I a good enough mother? Am I a good enough parent? Am I a good enough caregiver? Am I doing the right things? Am I failing them in some way? Am I not saying enough? Am I saying too much? Right? All of the swirl that goes on is is is guilt-ridden, and that's also really, really challenging. And is it a visible load that we carry when you're at the grocery store and you are dealing with a meltdown right in front of everyone? And you're wondering am I doing a disservice to my child? Am I doing a disservice to the public around me and to myself and to my groceries and my ice cream's melting, right? All that guilt that we feel, it can be overwhelming. It can be overwhelming. So that weight, that weight also that we feel as parents of neurodiverse kids, right? I have to handle the IEP, I have to handle the the meetings, the advocating for my child, uh, that weight also comes at uh at an invisible load, right? See, these are the boulders that are in your backpack that I think, oh, I don't know. I'll let you talk. What do you think about the weight that the parents carry? What do you think about all that, Andrea?

Andrea 14:56

Um, yeah, and to be to have to be the foundation for your child or the rock, speaking of weights, to have to be the rock and be there for your kid and be emotionally stable and regulate your emotions, that's really hard to do, especially when you're in a stress situation, or if you're a single parent too, and you're doing it all by yourself. God bless you. I don't know how you do it. You're amazing. Like, that's unbelievable. And my heart goes out to you. Um and I I want to tell you parents the same thing I tell the teachers. It's okay if you're not perfect. It's okay if your child acts out at school and the teachers want to you want to talk with the teacher about it, it's not your fault. I feel like this is the biggest thing that's um blocking teachers and parents from coming together because we both want the same thing. We both want the best for the child. But then there are these feelings of guilt, like from the teacher, like, I don't know what to do. I don't know, you know, we were never trained to uh teach ourselves or children how to regulate our emotions. And there's I never received a college course on neurodivergent children. Maybe there are some now, but I don't know, you know, and we were never trained, we never did professional development really on that that I can remember. It's usually more curriculum-based, and that's where I'm a big advocator for teachers needing more personal development in those areas, and parents too, because um it's it's really hard. So I'm gonna go back to what I'm saying. I feel like the major block is that parents, what I've seen, and this could just be my perspective as a teacher, um, is that they feel like their child's behavior is a reflection on them, and then it's it's their fault that they're acting this way, and that's not true. Because number one, regardless if it's a neurodivergent child or not, kids do stuff like that. All kids misbehave. They test your waters, that's what a kid does. And teachers are really aware of that. And your kid is not the only kid that's misbehaving, and there are good kids that misbehave. And I love it when I see good kids that are known to be good misbehave, because to me that's normal. I'm like, this person's normal, right? So for you to be able to be like, hey, I I don't know what's going on with this my child, and but I'm I'm I'm willing to do the work and I want to talk to you about it. Let's let's get on the same team together. Because I I I want him or her to learn ways to cope and get through the day, and I believe they're worth it and it'll make our lives easier, both of us. That's what I have to say about it.

Laurie 18:21

So you can see if you're listening, and um just give a shout out to Ruth. I saw you in the chat over there. Thank you, Ruth. And those of you that are watching the recording.

Andrea 18:31

Nice on her. Ruth is saying that she was a school bus driver and she went to university for elementary education, uh, but switched to business. And she's coaching kids, but she realizes that teachers are stretched, but they're doing an amazing job.

Laurie 18:50

Thanks, Ruth. And so you can see why we're we in the support circle, right? We are really focusing on there's so much overlap between what an educator experiences and what a parent experiences. And there's so much support we can give each other and hold each other's hands. And that's why we we kind of pictured it the circle, right? We're all in it for the children, right? All of us. That's where our hearts are. And so um, we're hoping with these two different perspectives, you're seeing that this really just a circle of um interconnectedness that all leads back to the children, and all of our hearts are in the place for the children. So I just really want you to know that um as a parent, right, that that feeling that guilt just means you care. It means you are trying the best you can with the tools you have and the support you have, and you're just it means you care, right? You're not failing. You're just every day is learning, right? Every day is like, whoo, that didn't work. And yes, I know that this does what would you call it? Maybe the script changes weekly, maybe, or even maybe daily, and you're figuring out who is this person today, and and who is this person in front of me as a teacher, right? Like, who are these these 20, 30 children in front of me? But um, it just means that we care so much, so much. So I just want to say that about that that invisible load of guilt that we feel, and the other invisible load of um of um the weight of just feeling like I'm all alone in this. I have no support, I have nobody to reach out to. I have, you know, it's just me struggling and suffering. So um

Dropping Guilt And Teaming Up

Laurie 20:37

obviously that's why Andrea and I are here. We are not alone, we're here to support you and we're here to to hold your hand and make you feel like it's not um an individual experience, um, that it's it's we can help each other collectively, and it's you know, we see you, we see you. So you we want you to feel seen. And I would love if we unless you had more to add to that, but I would love to just kind of give them some tools them and release that a load. How are you feeling about that? Yeah, let's do it. Um, for me for parents, I wanted oh, yeah. Okay, for me for parents, I wanted to give them um just like uh what I teach in my membership and what I teach as a coach is is the first A um of my 5A journey is the awareness. Awareness. So we I would love if you know, I'm not trying to give you more load, I'm just trying to make you aware. Right, Andrea and I have been talking about that. What what the the reality feels like. We're hoping that we'll bring you back to what you're um that you become aware of what your reality feels like. So to do that, I'd love if you could just write down every day just one little success, or even if you just say it in your head, one little success that you had. Not because I'm trying to be like, oh, Miss Pollyanna positivity, but if you start seeing that there are successes there, you will start noticing more successes, it will be like a chain reaction. You will be connecting that neurologically in your brain that there is one success, so you'll start noticing more. So if you can start to say, okay, back to the grocery store, right? So, like, wow, okay, I got out of the grocery store, I navigated that meltdown. Yeah, there was a meltdown, and yes, the ice cream melted. Now it's a bummer, but I navigated the grocery store. I got out, I didn't mean my kid. We got out of the bar and got home safely. That is a huge win, and that would be an example of I did that. I did, I was a parent, struggled, but I did something amazing for my kid, for my family, and for myself. I proved that I didn't lose it. I showed my child that that I can be calm, difficult situations. I set that example for them. I kind of let the people around me have their own life and didn't worry about it as I navigated the tantrum and went home and gave my kid my family food. So I just want you to. Start seeing the little things, even if they're little that you did. I bet you if we start talking about these over our Sundays, you're gonna see that they are bigger piece. Yeah, let me think about that. Do you have something to add about that for educators?

Andrea 23:49

Or yeah, I think that's uh good, you know, because like you said, you can take the small wins to uh create momentum for continuing on and getting even bigger wins. I had a um session with a teacher last week, and we were trying to do the first part of my program where you'd become shine your light on yourself and find out what your heart truly desires. But this teacher was so overwhelmed, like I'm guessing parents are so overwhelmed with everything that they're in the fight or flight mode right now, just surviving that they can't even connect themselves and figure out what they really want. And I always say that joke, like, I don't even know what my favorite ice cream flavor is anymore as a mom, like because I'm just like, oh, I'll just just get what you want and I'll eat whatever you don't eat. You know, it's that type of thing. So, anyway, she was feeling really down and on herself and couldn't even think of anything except she just wanted to be, she's a teacher, but she just wanted to be a good mom, so it's kind of they're so interconnected. And it was saying she's not responding the way that she wants to respond because she's stressed out, and so this links into what we're talking about. And so I talked to her about the pattern interrupt method that I teach in my thing. And I don't know if I should get into the whole thing. Maybe I should just tell the strategy of it. I don't have to tell my funny story. What do you think, Lori? You know what I'm talking about?

Laurie 25:32

Yeah, yeah. We could do the strategy, and then maybe we'll we'll make sure they

Awareness And Daily Successes

Laurie 25:37

come back next time for the whole story if you want.

Andrea 25:43

So my pattern interrupts. So that's the thing. The when you are in when your child or your student does something that's very triggering. Well, first of all, it'd be good to sit down and think about the things that really trigger you. Like maybe if your teacher is speaking out of turn or just being disrespectful. Or, you know, as a parent, um throwing a temper tantrum or refusing to do something, whatever, you can sit down and write down what those things are so that you are aware that when that happens, that this is a trigger. Like in the moment, you you're kind of like this. But if you are looking and you're aware, then you can go into the next phase, which is where you take a deep breath. Or when you think of one of the funniest moments in your life, like you're with friends, or maybe you're with uh your child, or something extremely funny that every time you think about it, it makes you laugh. And it might take you a minute to figure out what that is, because sometimes people are so over and they're like, nothing's funny. But I guarantee you you will find a moment, even if it was 20 years ago, that makes you smile or makes you laugh, or if you have a friend who's hilarious and they said something really funny, you can think of that. And after you think of that, then you can um think, man, what what is this really teaching me? Like what I know it's teaching you patience, but like how can I respond in a much loving way, like how I feel when I think of this funny thing that's happening to me. And you might not even even think about it, but after you break that pattern and you think of something that's funny and you laugh about it, then you respond, then you can really look at how you responded, like, oh I was able to, you know, you know, create laughter or connect it with affection or you know, with genuine care, like I my authentic self, instead of being like or whatever. So and I needed this method, um it's it's not perfect at first. You're not gonna be perfect. You might not even get through all those steps. You might get to the step where you're aware and you take a deep breath, and that's it, and that's okay. Then you can keep going further into it, where then you picture your thing. And and it sounds like it's a long process, but this like takes seconds. This is like 30 seconds. This whole thing goes in and it breaks your pattern. You laugh, you smile, and then you think about it. But what I really like about it is once you get it down, well, it's a continual process, but once you get better at it, then after you do it, you can reflect, you can do some self-reflection and be like, Yeah, I I like that I did that, and that's how I'm gonna do for the next time that this happens. And then you can develop strategies for different situations. Well, next time I'll tell you what my funny story is. Yeah, it's a good one.

Laurie 29:17

You'll have to come back next week. Well, yeah, that's great. I love that that pattern interrupt. I call it the spiral interrupt when you're working with the kid, right? That a child that's also spiraling, that if you catch it, right, first you've got to also be aware that they're spiraling or aware of how you are at the moment, right? That you're not spiraling. But if you can catch either, yeah, what Andrea's talking about your spiral or their spiral and interrupt it either with something funny or with something. I know humor definitely worked with myself, and that's how we survived. But yeah, even direct of hey, you did this really great today. That's amazing, and you know, just catching it. So I think awareness is a big

Pattern Interrupts For Triggers

Laurie 30:07

first step. Always just just paying attention to um yourself and your child and the environment, um, just starting to become aware is an amazing first step in in everything that we do. So um, yeah, I thank you. Yeah, what do you think, Andrea? Any of the last comments we got to share, or how are we doing?

Andrea 30:37

No, I just think that when you do things to break that uh being in that state and really focus on something that makes you happy, that you can respond just like you said, either with humor, which humor is great to use as a teacher too, or with genuine concern. Hey, this isn't like you. I really care about you and I want you to be successful. Like either either one is a is a good good path. Yeah.

Laurie 31:12

Well, thank you everyone for coming or listening to the recording. We appreciate you. I don't know you're still there, thank you. All the platforms at once, but um Andrea and I I found a workshop coming up on the 8th of May. Um, so we will be sending out information about I will be sending out information about my workshop coming up about three shifts you can take if you'd like more um family-friendly um support. I will be having that workshop on the 28th. So go ahead and reach out to me. Did you have a workshop coming up soon too, Andrea?

Andrea 31:56

I don't have one coming up uh this month. I have some extra things that are going on, but I definitely plan on having one soon or can make myself available if anybody wants to have um a discussion or a phone call.

Laurie 32:14

Wonderful. And of course, and we have the support circle Facebook group. So please reach out if you need help, right? That's why we're here in the community. That's why we're you know, free resources in that group. If you're in the group, we will be adding free resources to help you. Um, but and that's why we're here every Sunday. So come join us um and uh reach out if you need support between times that we're live. Yeah. Um, because we just really want to, like we said, our big, big, big goal is just for the teachers, the families, and everyone to circle around these children and support them and hold them up because that's what we have to do. If we don't want to continue this future that we have, we have to make a change, and that's why we're here. So um, we just really want you to know that as a teacher, as a parent, your biggest asset is their biggest asset is you, right? You, the caregiver, you the teacher, you the person in their life, and but you also need support too. So we're here for you. All right, with that, we hope it all technology worked out, and we will um be here next week. All right, anything else?

Andrea 33:32

Well, that's great. We'll see you Sunday. Okay.